Browns Embarrass Themselves In Pittsburgh

 

I would like to welcome all the area Browns fans back to earth.  The Browns did the same old shit that they always do and got bullied by the Steelers.  Three minutes into that game it was obvious who was in control.  You wish that you could point to something like game planning, but that's not it.  Those guys went down there and just got their ass kicked.  It goes 100% back to the guys on the defensive and offensive lines.  I mean, those guys can swagger around in their gigantic pickup trucks with big rims all they want, but they got pushed around like a bunch of pussies.  I don't say this as someone that could drop in there and make a difference myself, but then again I'm not making $6M a year like Tytus Howard who looks like a fucking garden statue out there.  Don't think I didn't notice you Spencer Fano with your matador ballet action at $5.8M per year.  Zion Johnson at $5.1M per year getting shoved backwards all day was a pretty sweet return on investment too.  I'm not sure which one of those guys had the most penalties or which one got brushed past more often, but Holy Shit did they suck.  Just in case you were settling in for a long glorious Browns Super Bowl run, here's your quick wake up call.

Meanwhile on the other side, the shit talk D-line got pummeled all day long.  I know Graham is hurt and the rest of of D tackles are banged up, but for fuck's sake if you can't compete, get out of the lineup.  Can we talk for a second about Jared Verse?  I know that we were sold the idea of Verse being the "poor man's Myles", as if the Rams would willingly trade a great defensive player as if he was a budget Myles Garrett and toss in a bunch of first round picks on top of that.  Verse has zero sacks and 17 total tackles in 7 games.  Verse blows.  Seven (7) other players have more tackles for losses than he does, so maybe it's time to stop pretending he's anything but a "reliable starter".  Even the TV production crews have stopped isolating on him because he doesn't do anything.  Well, Verse did do ONE thing yesterday.  Have you seen the video of him getting head planted yet?  Jesus.  That Browns defensive line got their ass whipped.  They should slink on home and hope next week's game gets here quick, because old ladies at Giant Eagle are going to go up to them and say "Hey Mason, why do you get paid $9.3M a year when you get shoved around like a fucking child on national TV?".  Look, I'm not the one saying that, but I think some old ladies at Giant Eagle will because if they watched the game they might have seen the same thing the rest of us did.  I'm not saying "the Browns lineman are soft".  Everyone else will, not because the guys are soft, but because of the irrefutable evidence in front of their eyes.  I'm trying to be helpful and defend these guys and here you all are talking shit about them.

Watson got sacked eight (8) times.  I'd love to put all of that on the piece of shit o-line, but Watson holds the ball so long that it's almost impossible to pass block for him.  The main offensive game plan appeared to be "go back to pass and hesitate for 4 seconds, don't throw it to the designed receiver, and then take a sack".  It's hard to tell on a broadcast if anyone is open, but it offered a stark contrast seeing Rodgers take the snap and fire out the pass.  What are you going to do?  That's what Watson is at this point, so the line needs to be able to work within his limitations.  There is no running game because A) the line can't block and B) the running backs are all subpar.  I recognize that Browns fans want to make excuses for Judkins, but he's not the same after last year's injury.  He would not be a starter on 28 other teams with this 3.4 yards a carry.  Jeanty from the Raiders is the only starter with a lower average per carry, and the narrative of "Trent Richardson bust" vibe is all over him.  That's not good company to keep.  

Whatever window dressing you want to discuss with the game, it all comes down to the same old issue with these Steelers games.  The Browns look like fucking pussies when they play the Steelers.  I have no idea how this is possible to maintain after a quarter of a century.  These players cycle through so fast that the idea of "institutional toughness" seems laughable, but we all saw it yet again.  It can be Joey Porter punching guys in the head, James Harrison almost murdering Colt McCoy, or Jared Verse getting head planted.  The Steelers seem stronger and tougher than the Browns every single year.  I have no clue how they do it, but they do it.  The Browns are like Michigan State that every year tries to pretend they can win the Big 10.  Then the schedule rolls around to play the tough teams and it becomes obvious to everyone that it's the same old shit with those guys.  Unless they change divisions, the Browns will never reliably beat the Steelers.  It is cultural.  They have lost TWENTY THREE TIMES IN A ROW in Pittsburgh.  That seems like it can't be possible.  The Browns are now in position to take the all time record of consecutive away losses by a team from Detroit who also reliably lost to Green Bay 23 times in a row from 1992-2014.  That's fucking bleak.

The Browns like to have their PR guys talk about "this is a working class town and if we get knocked down, we get up and dust ourselves off".  I hate that "blue collar town, blue collar team" bullshit they foist.  This has never been a reality.  The Browns have never been a team that can shove the running game down anyone's throat, or be the game that opponents circle and go "there's no way we can go in there and win".  They've had plenty of shit talkers like Verse over the years, but not too many that backed it up.  This team gets outmuscled by Pittsburgh year after year after year and they don't do anything about it.  It's the same old Browns losing the exact same way every fucking year in Pittsburgh.        

This was a wake up call for Browns fans.  5-2 was a bit of a mirage.  The Browns are one of the herd of "OK" teams out there.  At least they are generally competitive, which is a stunner.  The upside is that most of the other teams they play for the rest of the year aren't that good either.  The Browns can actually still make the Playoffs.  They will get smoked in that playoff game, but at least they can possibly get there.  I see the Saints/Texans/Raiders as a possible 2-1 outcome.  That puts them at 7-4 for a Bengals/Falcons/Giants string that seems like another opportunity to win 2 out of 3.  Let's be reasonable though.  They can just as easily go 0-6 through that and find themselves 5-9.  The Browns are what they seem to be, a mediocre team awash in a schedule of other mediocre teams.  Until they find a way to punch Pittsburgh in the face, the division will be a showdown between Baltimore and Pittsburgh every season.  The great news is next week they get to play a shitty Saints team.  Let's get back to the mirage!

Go Browns.