Browns 2025: Wake Me When It's Over

 

Watching these Browns games is just brutal.  When the games start, my thought is "Well, maybe they can win if the defense keeps them in the game".  At no point does my mind drift into thinking the team will march down the field.  Most NFL teams are excited to get the ball, but with the Browns the feeling is more along the lines of "How fast can we get this over?".  It's a real chicken and egg question watching the offense.  The poor collection of players when combined with an ineffective overall philosophy of how the offense can work is then combined with the micro of predictable play calling meeting poor execution.  I feel like debating the "Is Shedeur Sanders any good?" question is basically pointless when the offense is so crappy.  The Browns have scored more than 17 points in only three games.  An average NFL team scores 23 points and a winning team scores 28.  This might sound like the dumbest thing anyone has ever written, but have the Browns thought about the idea that they need to score more points to win games?

The Browns are one of those organizations that continually finds itself focused on the trees rather than the forest.  Shit, those guys focus on the bark of a single tree.  Probably like yourself, I have worked a bunch of soul crushing jobs in my life where the management found themselves in the same position.  I can't tell you how many times I had sales jobs where nobody gave a shit about a deal I was working on to bring in $100,000 because the complete focus of the company was on how many $5000 "Holiday Sale" packages you could sell.  Stefanski seems like the same guy.  Each week they try to go out of their way to run the ball to later set up throwing short passes to the tight ends over the middle.  The success metric at no time appears to be on how many points the team scores.  It's on process.  

Let's compare a couple of franchises.  I think you can make a reasonable argument that the Browns and Steelers have similar caliber rosters.  Both teams have Hall of Fame edge rushers, a pretty good shut down cornerback and solid linebackers.  The defense drives the team on both examples.  Both the Browns and Steelers offense is this patchwork of parts that don't seem to fit together.  Aaron Rodgers looks every day of his 54 years of age at QB.  If you had to win a game next week and had to take your pick of Rodgers, Sanders, Mason Rudolph or Dillon Gabriel, who do you take?  The only thing I know is I'm NOT taking Gabriel, but those other three guys are almost a wash.  Steelers have a better line and maybe receivers overall, and the Browns have better tight ends and running backs.  It's the same fucking team.  Yet, the Steelers are 6-6 getting booed out of their own building while tied for the division lead while the Browns are all jacking off into Lake Erie because they beat the Raiders on the road last week.  The Steelers are focused on winning games and the Browns are focused on... what exactly?

I soured on Stefanski finally and joined the rest of the rabble, and I think this game points out his largest flaws.  If someone can explain to me why last week with a lead late in the 4th quarter they punted on 4th and 2 from the Raider 29 while this week they went for it on their own 30 down 2 in the third quarter, I'm listening.  The 49ers could not have executed a long drive downfield to score against the Browns D if you'd have given them 20 tries.  It was obvious early on that this game was going to be about field position.  Why the fuck would you risk the entire game right after halftime with a wildcat direct snap to the tight end deep in your own territory?  Stefanski in the postgame when asked about that decision:  "Felt good.  I think, you know, there’s always the obvious risk when you go for it in those situations, but if you feel good about the plays you have and your players, you feel good about converting on those distances.  Didn’t get it done.”

That has all the slightly enraging things you'd expect from a Stefanski press conference.  1.  Don't answer the question of "why" while somehow weaving in that organizational smugness of "you just don't get it because you're not as smart as we are" despite all evidence to the contrary.  2.  The constant deflection into corporate nonspeak that is trying to insinuate you have The Big Picture in mind and are playing 5-D chess while we are but apes watching your genius unfold.  Like, when the press pushed him on it he went back to his bullshit of "we gotta get it done", "clean that up", and "that's on me".  I think Stefanski thinks he is showing strong leadership when he goes into his identity of "That's on me and we will get it cleaned up", but when I hear that it makes me think that if you haven't "coached it up" by week 12 that you are either incapable of doing so or just don't know what the fuck you are doing.  

The Browns biggest problems on gameday are absolutely horrible special teams play and seemingly the macro game planning.  The Browns gameplan each week appears to be "Somehow get a lead in the first half with a scripted first drive and hope for a turnover or two.  See if we can kill the clock and win 13-10."  At no point in the second half of a game in recent memory has this team come out and blown the doors off anyone with tactical changes they made on the fly.  Stefanski would be a great guy to put in charge of buying the food for the party.  I bet that guy could coordinate the shit out of getting pizza and wings delivered.  At that same party, he would be the last guy you'd want to deal with the situation if the tap got fucked up on the keg and the cops just showed up because your buddy Clint was shooting roman candles off out of his ass up on the roof.  He's going bungle the shit out of that.  I bet Stefanski's closet is organized by color.  No way he can make a bong out of a Coke can and some tape.  

It seems increasingly obvious that Stefanski has risen to a position that has exposed his limitations and it's time for him to go back to being a coordinator and agreeing with his boss somewhere.  He needs to get yelled at by a Dan Campbell type guy while maintaining his stoic expression.  "Yeah Dan, that's on me but we are going to get that coached up.  No excuse on that.  We will get it fixed.  Never again.  I got you a coffee.  Left it on your desk."  Steeler fans can boo Tomlin all they want, but that guy is going to somehow have that piece of shit team in the mix all the way down the stretch while the Browns players can start planning their early January Cabo getaways by Halloween. Stefanski isn't the worst coach in the league, but there are about 20 other coaches that can take theirs and beat his, or take his and beat theirs.  Put another way, Dan Campbell is 63% against the spread in his career.  Stefanski is 43%, worst in the NFL.  It's time for the organization to consider options, someone strong enough that can install a culture and prevent the Haslams from getting involved.  

If Stefanski starts to feel the heat, I could see him clipping that special teams coach Bubba Ventrone.  I have no idea what that would accomplish as the special teams problems are probably not because the coach forgot to say "Don't fumble the fucking ball and remember to tackle the return man on the other team", but at least it would provide the theater that you are doing something.  I am 100% positive that psycho Browns fans will be calling for that guy's head, but what the fuck is the difference at this point?  The Browns WANT to lose from here on out.  Dillon Gabriel is basically a dead man walking at this point and now it's going to be a month for the team to figure out if Sanders is better than any of the dodgy ass college players coming up in the draft.  If I am the Browns, I go into this draft and go tackle/tackle/guard with picks 1/2/3 and wait until you get Watson and his last monster paycheck off the books.  Give Sanders all of next year with some piece of shit journeyman QB as a backup to see if he can play.  If he doesn't, they will pick top 5 next year and can at least give the rookie QB a decent o-line to work with out there.  Give the QB a fucking chance man.

It's another December of playing "NFL Draft Speculation" and watching guys in Browns uniforms on the field you can't recall ever seeing before.  What can say "Cleveland Browns" more than hearing a public address announcement booming in a near empty stadium "Larvadain on the catch" as you brace against the wind watching them run the punt team on after a meaningless three yard catch?  Browns v Titans next Sunday with snow and sleet expected.  Great seats still available!  There are five more games left in this latest Browns debacle season.  Five very long, very dull games.  The one thing I can tell you is this.  There are goin to be a lot of bad things that happen on the field that are "on Stefanski" but he will commit to "cleaning that up" despite "just not getting it done".  Wake me when it's over. 

Go Browns.