The Browns Are a Team Of Destiny

 

It is obvious to even a casual observer that the Browns will never lose again.  The incredibly loaded team will crush all opponents much like they did today,  They will go 17-0 and win the Super Bowl 31-3 over whatever unlucky saps have to play them.  All the other franchises quake in fear at having the Browns on their schedule.  It isn't even a team, it's a Super Team.  This is the new Golden Age of Browns Football, making the heroics of Otto Graham and Jim Brown look like a fucking joke.

The Browns defense was able to make gimpy Joe Burrow look like he hasn't played a lick of football since last January, which coincidently he hasn't.  The Bengals could not have been made to look any more listless.  The Bengals talked all week about "having a plan" regarding dealing with Burrow's injury which appeared to be having him not move around and overthrowing all of his receivers.  They didn't make a serious touchdown threat all game and made the Browns defense look invincible.  They held those sad sack piece of shit Bengals to 142 yards and six (6) first downs.  Ex-D coordinator Joe Woods will look at that game thinking "I should have done what Jim Schwartz did with the defense last year".  Then again Woods Saints defense just shut down Tennessee so maybe all the Browns defensive players just sucked.  Greedy Williams was watching Red Zone just like I was today, so maybe we were a little hard on old Joe last year.

I don't want to urinate in the punch bowl, but Watson's play was a bit concerning.  He missed open receivers, tossed the ball into the grass, and held onto it too long.  The announcers made a big deal about how bad the wet field conditions were, but if you're having difficulty in a misty September day, I'd hate to mention what NE Ohio is like in November/December.  The one good thing for Watson is that as each franchise QB signs the next record breaking contract, his eye watering gameday checks becomes less of a focus.  The Ravens just gave Lamar $80M in cash and he sucked today, so it could be worse.  Daniel Jones is going to make as much as Watson this year.  The key with Watson is to try to forget that he's getting paid like a Top 5 QB and just hope he's better than Mayfield or Jacoby Brissett.  Hey, it's not your money.  As long as they win, it's all good.  

Chubb is the key to the team.  Even when Conklin got hurt (and that knee looked bad), the line still provided opportunities for Chubb.  That guy is a machine.  That mountain of a man Dawand Jones must have played well for Conklin because he wasn't mentioned at all after he came on the field.  Hopefully he plays well, because it doesn't look like Conklin is going to be going out for a jog anytime soon.  It's always bad when everyone in the room goes "OHHHHHHHH!!!!" when the injury replay comes on.  If that was me, I'd probably just remove my leg and go to a peg leg.  I'd tell everyone that a shark chewed it off or something.  I assume Conklin's knee is swollen up to the size of a ham.  Luckily for him, he had just signed a 4 year $60M contract extension.  

It's obviously a blow not to have Wonder Kicker on the team.  Hopkins came in and went 3/3 on his field goals and hit an extra point.  It's so much more exciting when your kicker is shaky like Wonder Kicker.  The feeling that anything can happen.  To have a pedestrian competent kicker like Hopkins on the field is a bit deflating.  Hopefully he'll blow a key kick soon and Browns fans can hate him too.  It's only a matter of time.  One day you're Cade York talking shit after hitting a game winner in Carolina, and then a year later you're watching the Titans on the TV at Robert's Western World in Nashville hoping Nick Folk misses a few kicks.  (He didn't.  He went 5 of 5 including a 50-yarder.  Sorry Wonder Kicker.  Get yourself another Natty Light.)     

The key takeaway from this week is the Browns are invincible.  It is inconceivable that they will lose a game this year.  I can't even fathom them falling behind in a game.  This is a Team of Destiny.  If I'm you, I get on Expedia right the fuck now and book a room in Vegas for the Browns inevitable Super Bowl victory.  I can see you this February with a room at the Rio tucking into that all you can eat Indian buffet.  All of your dreams are about to come true.  I have seen the future and it's ALL BROWNS.  The 2023 Browns are a Team of Destiny.

Go Browns.