Browns Steal One From Colts, MoreGLORY!

 

The Browns pulled off another miracle on Sunday, and by "miracle" I mean get a couple of very questionable penalties to go their way to gift wrap them the win.  The last 24 seasons have gone the other direction, so it's a baffling new world Browns fans are living in to see a flag thrown in either of those plays at the end.  It's hard to say which was worse, the "there was no way that ball was catchable" pass interference call or the "that looked like every pass play" illegal contact flag.  Hey, a win is a win though and it's nice to be on the other end.  Normally we would be facing a week of "Hi, this is Bill from Mentor.  Long time listener and first time caller.  I gotta say, I think The League has conspired to against the Browns because they hate The Good People of Northeast Ohio.  Love the show.  I'll hang up and listen."  Instead, those poor saps in Indianapolis will be calling the "Dave and Morty Show" or whatever limp dick formulaic local sports talk show they endure.  980AM "The Score"!  Where Colts Fans Bitch!  (I made that up, but there's a 50/50 shot I'm right on both the hosts and station names.)

It's odd to give up 38 points and have a defensive player be the MVP, but Myles Garrett had the game of his life.  Two sacks, two forced fumbles (one for a TD), seven tackles, couple deflected passes and a blocked kick kept the Browns in the game.  It's mystifying how Gardiner Minshew kept the Colts going up and down the field, but the good thing about Minshew is that if you wait around he will provide you a backbreaking turnover.  Minshew is Baker Mayfield at 35% of the expense and a lot less drama.  He's sort of like that vintage Looney Toons singing frog cartoon.  You know the one?  Where the construction worker finds a frog in a box that can sing show tunes like "Michigan Rag".  That's Minshew.  Colts fans will be convinced Minshew is "The Answer" and then when you take him out of the box into the bright lights, you're left with a Frog.

The real topic is, of course and as always, Watson.  I don't know if today is the right time to say it, but the Cleveland Browns don't have a quarterback.  The mixed messages coming from the team on Watson's health certainly suggest that there is a lack of, shall we say, congruence on the part of the organization regarding Watson's weekly status.  This appears to be mostly coming from Watson who said in his postgame remarks that he wanted to keep playing but it was Kevin Stefanski's call to pull him from the game AND he's "not sure" if he'll be ready to start next Sunday.  He is "praying his right shoulder isn't worse".  So... ah...  which is it?  You could have run out on the field and played OR your shoulder is injured and you can't go?  Stefanski had given Watson the perfect out by saying the team wanted to "protect" Watson and he pulled him, but then Watson decided to make the situation convoluted with his own remarks.  I don't know where you are on Watson, but I'm leaning heavily into the "fuck that guy" camp.

Let's offer a study of contrasts on a "franchise QB".  Patrick Mahomes gets his foot nearly torn off, fights to stay in the game, hobbles into the locker room, gets an X-ray and a shot of Goo-Goo Juice and comes back to gimp out a victory.  Watson suggests he was ready to come back into the game, provides no indication he had any interest in doing so, and stood around by himself in a poncho looking like a new Jay Cutler.  That's also ignoring the fact that Mahomes plays like Mahomes, and Watson got outplayed by PJ Walker NFL Journeyman AGAIN.  Walker sorta sucks, but the guy has heart.  Watson has not exactly ingratiated himself to Browns fans with his outgoing messaging.  If you're hurt, say you are hurt.  "My shoulder is a mess and I hope to get back in 4 weeks.  I'm going to rehab my ass off and try to get back sooner.  Anything I can do to help the team win."  How hard is that?  THAT'S what a franchise QB does.   

Do yourself a favor and follow DeShaun Watson on social media.  The guy is absolutely tone deaf and detached from reality.  He and his "team" seem to think that Watson's "brand" is a loud dressing QB who is focused on conspicuous consumption.  They seem to forget that Watson's real "brand" is turnover laden quarterbacking, lack of public trust and a disgraced personal life.  Who doesn't want to do an endorsement deal with that?  Sure, maybe fans could cut Watson some slack, but with the exception of the Tennessee game this season, he's been absolutely terrible since he came to Cleveland.  Ranked on QBR, he is slightly ahead of Sam Howell and right behind Mac Jones, who totally sucks by the way.  Watson is 24th in QBR.  Baker Mayfield is 14th.  Ouch.

Is this some sort of karmic payback to the grifter Haslam family for bringing the sex predator into our Fall Sundays in their desperate attempt to shortcut their way to winning?  The only answer is, of course, yes.  With each tone deaf photo of Watson with his Louie Vitton coffee cup holder I think, "The Haslams had to rip off a lot of small family businesses on gas contracts to pay for that bling." and I try to wrap my head around the idea that maybe this whole situation is nothing more than a modern version of the film "The Sting" where Watson is a con man stealing from thieves.  You just have to think of Jimmy Haslam as Doyle Lonnegan with a drawl.  That schadenfreude does help buffer the fact that the Browns are somehow worse off than they were five years ago.  Instead of looking forward to drafting the wrong guy next year, now the team is locked in for another four years to a player that they already know sucks and THEY CAN'T GET RID OF HIM.  Think of Watson as Mac Jones with limited interest in doing the job he was paid a quarter of a billion dollars to do.  It's so fucking Brownsy I can't stand it.

The Browns are a team that appears to be in the middle of the pack.  Yeah, they won on Sunday, but let's be reasonable.  The refs had to give them the game to beat the Colts with a backup QB starting.  It's not exactly the Victory of the Century.  This thing is what it is.  The Browns won't be able to make any real noise this year because they don't have a quarterback.  They will toil away this season in the muck of the Jets/Chargers/Texans/Colts/Rams/Vikings/Packers/Bucs/Saints tier, effectively the NFL's lower middle class.  The good news is they will compete most of the time, get blown out a couple times, and finish with 8-9 wins.  The idea that a healthy Watson will majestically lead the team to glory is a fairy tale.  He hasn't been good in three years, and he doesn't appear motivated to win anything.  He got paid.  He's going to show up for his check, play once in a while and post about MORE GLORY!

Go Browns.