Air Stefanski

 

I had fully expected the Browns to lose the game in Denver.  Let's be honest.  The team had slayed the dragon in beating the Ravens.  They absorbed losing Watson for the season and then ground out an emotional victory against the other Big Bad Wolf in the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Flying out to Denver to play the mediocre (but rising) Broncos was a natural letdown spot.  There were, however, two things I did not expect.  I did not expect that the Browns would lose four marquee players to injury.  I also did not expect the occasion to be used to unveil the new "Air Stefanski" offense to really lean into the team's shaky quarterback play and unreliable receiving corps.  

Nine of the first 12 offensive plays were pass plays.  This went as you would expect.  Three and out.  Six and out (Harrison Bryant fumble).  Three and out.  Bam!  The Browns are down 14-0.  They then go on a 13 play drive to score a FG which included nine running plays that made up 46 of the yards.  Denver, one of the worst running defenses in the league, had to be thinking "Oh shit.  Here we go again.  We can't stop that."  The Browns then grind out an 11 play, 67 yard drive before the half to score a field goal to once again make it a one score game.  They had come out with perhaps the most shit stupid game plan in the history of the NFL and then adjusted to put themselves back in it.  If you asked some 11-year-old kid at a bus stop, "Hey, the Browns have a crappy QB but appear to be able to run the ball.  How should they try to beat the worst defense in the league?", that kid would say "Run the ball.".  This lightbulb somehow also flickered on at the Browns sideline sometime in the second quarter.  

Now if you are thinking like I am, you're thinking, "They are coming out, grind the clock and keep shoving the Broncos around.  It's going to be a close finish, but they can win this game."  They get the ball to start the second half and score a TD on a 13 play drive which featured Ford picking up big chunks of running yards sprinkled in with a few long catch and runs.  Things start to become a bit concerning when they got in the Red Zone and called pass after pass after running down the field twice in a row.  Everyone watching the game across NE Ohio had to be screaming at the TV "RUN THE FUCKING BALL!".  Even whoever was announcing the game picked up on it and openly questioned what the hell the thought process was in the play calling.  They miss the two point conversion to tie the game on a, you guessed it, passing play and were down 14-12. 

When they get the ball back, the Browns run three more ineffective passing plays and DTR gets assassinated by a Broncos linebacker on a hit reminiscent of something from "The Longest Yard".  I'm talking the good one with Burt Reynolds, not the shit remake with Adam Sandler.  It wasn't so much that the hit was dirty, it was just, I don't know... oddly personal bordering on criminal?  Thompson-Robinson left the stadium with a broken face having gone 14-29 for 134 yards after 3 quarters.  The only quarterbacks on pace for more attempts than him were in hopeless blowouts or Gardiner Minshew (another team that absolutely refuses to run the ball despite having two outstanding running backs).  After the broken face, the game just got away from the Browns. 

I didn't hear what Stefanski said in the press conference for his rationale on the offensive game plan.  It's pointless to listen to him speak as he is reflective of American Corporate Culture that thrives when you say nothing in the most mundane way possible.  If that dude goes into some mega corporation after football, he's going to be a helluva Regional Vice President.  "We took a look at what the situation was and tried to put our people in the best scenario to maximize success, to gain an unfair yield overall while making sure to remain true to our identity as an organization."  That fits for podium ready StefanskiSpeakTM just as well as it does for the Regional Vice President at Glanotech International (for all your logistical sprocket needs).  It would be so refreshing to hear Stefanski speak honestly and say, "I don't know what the hell happened.  I just got carried away and forgot we were trying to win an NFL game on the road with a rookie QB that wasn't all that great in college.  Why did I keep asking him to make big time throws that across the field the other coach wasn't asking Russell Wilson to make?  Man, you guys got me.  I really fucked that up."  Stefanski is like that neighbor you have that is obsessive about his lawn.  He's polite to you when he sees your dog take a dump on it but you know is burning inside with the rage of a thousand white suns.  Dude, let it rip.  We'd like you a lot better if you did.  

A few quick notes about other topics...

* When David Njoku goes to catch the ball sometimes it appears he has ventriloquist puppet hands.  You know what I mean?  It's like solid plastic GI Joe fingers held together like a mitten so he's trying to catch the pass with a pair of tongs.  

*  There is an odd fascination with getting Elijah Moore the ball I can't get my head around.  He had nine targets yet only three catches for 44 yards.  He has the most targets on the team.  He is supposed to be this explosive playmaker but his longest gain this year is for 19 yards.  He's got 11 yards rushing in 9 carries.  He's got one touchdown as a Brown.  It's like the team has decided to build the offense around Miles Austin, though admittedly I am talking about the version of Miles Austin before he broke his back in a pointless late season game against the Bills.  

* Ward is a huge difference maker when he's on the field for the defense.  The problem is that he's always hurt.  It's fairly understandable as he's about the size of a high school girl volleyball player.  If Ward and Garrett are both out for an extended period of time, the Browns defense looks a lot like the Bengals instead of the 1985 Bears.  If Ward is out again, I expect to see Greg Newsome ineffectively chasing Cooper Kupp around next week.    

I'm not saying that things took a turn for the worse, but Myles Garrett has his arm in a sling when he "felt his shoulder pop", Amari Cooper got his ribs crushed on an ill-advised pass, Thompson-Robinson has a broken face, and Joe Flacco is about to start what would have been a very winnable game against the Rams.  Meanwhile Flacco, fresh off the couch, must have been looking at how DTR got thrown to the wolves and been thinking "why am I doing this?".  I noticed Walker and Flacco chatting it up on the sideline in the first half like a couple of guys that scored good seats to the game asking each other, "What the fuck is with this game plan?  Why doesn't he run the ball?".  It's all fun and games until you get tossed into the fray, eh PJ?  

There's a pretty good chance that Joe Flacco plays next week.  If so, I don't expect it to be like that time the Browns signed Charlie "Touchdown Jesus" Whitehurst where he almost died on the field, blew a knee out and then they cut him at his locker before he showered.  Flacco came out here to get a few big checks, not bleed out in Browns Stadium to win The Big Game.  That guy is going to fire the ball in the dirt or toss it into the stands as opposed to taking any monster hits.  I'm not saying it's impossible to win with Flacco, but what I am saying is maybe run the ball a bit more?

Go Browns.