Welcome Back Browns Fans

 

Just when things started looking up, it gets predictably Brownsy.  Allow me to pass along a story a friend told me.  His son has just embraced the Browns in a meaningful way.  The team had been horrible his entire childhood, but for whatever reason, this season he became emotionally attached.  He went to a game with his buddies this year.  Tailgated at the Muni Lot and saw a win.  He even saw a fight in the stands when a dude standing next to a guy in a “Deshaun Fucking Watson” t-shirt took a swing at someone else for whatever drunken grievance existed.  It was a full Browns experience.  As far as I know he even took a piss on the railroad tracks.  He felt like he had become a True Browns Fan.  I would argue that only TODAY did he become a true Browns fan as he watched all of his postseason dreams go up in smoke as the suddenly fragile face of the franchise has decided to shut it down for 2023.  Welcome my son.  This is your life now, the same as your father and his father before him.  There is nothing but disappointment for you now and for evermore.  You are cursed as they are cursed.  Now you understand... The Browns.

As I have noted previously, I follow Deshaun Watson on social media.  It doesn’t make you root for the guy at all as it is mostly solitary photos of him in terrible clothes and flashy jewelry posted with out of context lyric snippets.  Those photos are “look at how much money I have and the worthless shit I spent it on”.  The only solace I have is that no matter how much it annoys me, the entire Haslam family must utter a steady stream of profanities when they see it.  “Godammit, we didn’t rip off all those trucking companies to just hand the money to that asshole to buy tacky jumpsuits!”.  Even typing that, it makes me smile.  This week the Watson posts had a different flavor.

The amount of peacocking Watson did this week was UNREAL.  He played an undeniably great second half.  His full game stats were a bit pedestrian with a 20-34 for 213 yards 1 TD and a Pick Six.  Yet, his social media posts ERUPTED like he was under MVP consideration, and they had all but secured the AFC North crown.  18 hours ago he made a post with glamorous game video titled “Breaking News They tried to Kill ‘em but the Boy Prevails”.  How do you make that post and then the next day announce, “Done For The Season”?  Look, I will give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that there was some sort of debate about the condition of his shoulder, but is the move to make these “I am so fucking great” posts after your one good game in two years with it being 50/50 if you can keep playing?  This guy needs someone handling is PR that has a grasp of the temperature in the room.

I always suspect something terrible was going to happen.  If you follow the team long enough, you understand that the story always ends the same way.  That’s the true genius of the Browns.  The team managed to suck us all back in last Sunday.  “Holy shit!  We might go to the Super Bowl!  Get the lube and let’s go to Vegas!”  I knew better.  As all the Vegas Lube people were busy spray painting their vehicles orange, may I remind you what I typed only two days ago.  “Watson gutted out a good second half in Baltimore to win the game but took a massive beating, something that will continue until he is unable to stay on the field…    Remember tradition and always think Brownsy everybody!”. 

We all knew.  Dammit, we all knew in our heart of hearts that ultimately there was only one way this thing could go.  That was in The Shitter.  Can the Browns still make the Playoffs?  Sure.  They probably need four wins and they play Kenny Pickett, Russ Wilson, whoever the Rams run out there, whoever the Bears run out there and apparently Zack Wilson.  With the Browns defense, they should be able to squeeze out four more wins with PJ Walker.  The Vegas line only moved 1.5 points against Pittsburgh with the announcement of the Watson injury, so that gives you an idea of what professionals think the gap is between Deshaun Watson and PJ Walker.  The real problem is can they run a gauntlet of some mix of Mahomes, Burrow, Lamar, Tua, Stroud, and Lawrence in the Playoffs with PJ Walker?  No fucking way. 

Welcome back the earth Browns fans.  They did it to you again.

Go Browns.   

UPDATE:  They're starting DTR?  WTF?  This is PURE BROWNS.