Another Nice Easy Win

 

Let's be honest.  Things looked pretty bleak there.  The game was shaping up to be a classic "Fucking Browns" game.  These are the games where kids say things like "Mommy...  Daddy is scaring me." as their father screams at the TV using profanities strung together in new and inventive ways.  A game which had been mentally chalked up as a "OK, so no way we lose to the Bears at home" was quickly becoming "OMG we suck and will never score again".  I'm not sure how they did it, but the magical combination of the Bears being the Bears, the defense shutting down anything the Bears tried to do, and Flacco's calm ill-advised throws into tiny windows made it happen.  

Flacco is a guy playing with house money.  What a situation.  He steps into a pretty good team with almost no expectations.  He thought he was done, out of the league.  He's out there playing backyard football.  Triple coverage down the sideline?  What the hell.  I can maybe sneak it in there.  What's the worst that can happen?  I get sent back to Jersey on the couch?  Hey, whatever.  Flacco is the anti-Watson.  You can see how tight Watson played, unsure if he should make passes compared with Flacco just letting it rip.  Now, the downside is that he's going to toss interceptions.  Apparently a lot of them.  It was the only way that those sack of shit Bears could score.  That pick Flacco threw right after the Bears fumbled the punt seemed like the dagger, didn't it?  Then Flacco comes back with a fourth quarter line of 11 of 13 for 212 yards, one TD and a 144.4 passer rating.  

I think the most impressive thing about that win was that everyone is hurt on the team.  The Browns have no (zero) offensive lineman except Teller.  There's a guy playing tackle that was sitting at home on Halloween.  These aren't even cast off practice squad guys out on the field.  These are just "guys".  There was some dude on the field that was walking around in workout clothes in late October telling his friends "Yeah, I'm just trying to stay ready for when the phone rings".  His friends said things like "Yeah man.  Stay positive.  You'll get your chance man." but they didn't really mean it.  They said things like "Dude needs to let that football shit go man.  He should go work for his Dad." as soon as he walked away.  Meanwhile his mother was sitting him down at the kitchen table saying things like, "Jason, maybe it's time to start thinking about your life after football...".  That same exact guy was getting his ass beat trying to deal with Montez Sweat thinking "this football shit is hard" as the Browns pulled that win out of their ass.  It's been a weird year.

The defense is again holding this whole rickety Browns team together.  They don't even look impressive at this point, but the defense gets it done.  It's hard to figure if the Bears got shut down by a superior defensive unit or the Bears just suck.  The Bears are set to draft 5th overall, so it's not like the Browns just shut down the 2000 St Louis Rams.  Still, the Bears could not make plays when they needed them.  Could the Bears have won with that Hail Mary at the end?  Yes, but remember that these are the Bears and they don't do that.  The Bears are like the Browns but without the flair for the dramatic in their losses.  Bears fans know they will lose whereas Browns fans still cling to hope.  

The most interesting thing about the NFL right now is everyone sorta blows.  The AFC South has three teams at 8-6 (Jags/Colts/Texans) and they all stink.  Speaking amongst ourselves, can't we all admit that though the Browns are 9-5, they are the shakiest 9-5 team of all time?  The Ravens are the only team that I have in my AFC Circle Of Trust as of today.  The only AFC teams I know for sure can't win a big game are the Chargers and Jets.  For example, if a bunch of goons have your mother at gunpoint and you need the Browns to beat the 3-11 New England Patriots in Foxboro to have her set loose, how confident are you that they win that game?  85%?  Maybe 3 out of 4?  If you are booking a holiday family cruise on Carnival Cruise Lines that has no refunds, you're not booking Mom's room until after that game, I'll tell you that. 

If the Browns keep winning, they can play the winner of the AFC South on the road in the Playoffs.  Despite the Browns being 7-1 at home and 2-4 on the road, I think the Browns would take that scenario any day.  You think this ragtag bunch of guys in Browns uniforms will go on the road and win in Kansas City or Miami?  I don't.  Yet, a strong case could be made that they could.  At the same time, the Browns can very easily go to Houston and lose this weekend, assuming CJ Stroud's skull holds together.  It seems inconceivable that they would lose to the Jets at home on a Thursday, but then again everyone had that Bears game chalked up as an automatic win.  What if they split those games and have to play a "win and you're in" game on the road at Cincinnati.  The ghost of Derrick Anderson and Browns Failures Past still floats around the banks of the Ohio River .  What's that?  Derrick Anderson isn't dead?  And his name is spelled "Derek"?  Look, you live in your reality and I'll live in mine.  In mine there is a six foot six ghost wrapped in chains wearing a shitty 2007 Browns uniform chanting "It's wiiiindy!  So verrrrry wiiiiiindy!" that appears when a late season must-win game happens in Cincinnati.  

This has been the most enjoyable Browns season in years.  Flacco is entertaining as hell.  He is playing the best QB the Browns have seen since what?  Bernie Kosar?  Will it continue?  Probably not, but at least we don't have to watch DeShaun Watson play.  The Browns are a 2003 Chevy van with a bunch of bondo and a leaky fuel pump that is somehow still running down the highway.  Stefanski is sitting in the driver's seat, wheel rattling in his hands, just trying to will the van to the next exit as a thin blue smoke wheezes from the tailpipe.  This van is going to break down sooner or later.  I am curious to see how far it goes.

Go Browns.