Browns Crap Out In Vegas

 

There are Clevelanders right now in Las Vegas that have lost their mortgages on Cle -2, are tossing back $17 cans of Miller Lite leaving Allegiant Stadium, and are trudging back to their rooms at the Circus Circus to change out of their Dog Bone costumes.  They will be flying home to Cleveland tonight after watching their favorite piece of shit football team announce loudly to the NFL, "We are the Browns.  We suck and we will suck forever because we are eternal!".  Let me tell you this...  That Frontier Airlines direct flight is going to be a lot more quiet than the one out there when they were all hootin' n hollerin' "Here We Go Brownies Here We Go!  Woof Woof!" in their stupid orange t-shirts.  Welcome back to reality my friends where savvy opportunists like myself have invested heavily on the Browns UNDER 9 total.  While you were out getting it rammed up your ass with a stick at Caesar's Palace slot machines, Winning Investors sat comfortably in our homes muttering to ourselves "Yes...  This has come together exactly as I have foreseen." with our Under 9 tickets clutched in our greedy hands.  The Browns are 1-3 and look like a team that might not ever win again.

Normally you'd say, "Well that's outrageous hyperbole!", but not if you'd watched that game.  Everywhere you look is a disaster.  The Browns offensive line has two main problems.  1) Some of the players are unsure of who they are assigned to block on any given play.  2). Even if they are sure, it doesn't seem to matter as they are not able to accomplish the task. This leaves Watson getting the exact opposite of what he wants.  I don't know why he thought it was a good idea to say in an interview "I'm not looking to run or get any contact", but it's clear that he was answering honestly when he said he didn't want to run/get hit.  I'm sure Watson didn't plan on running this week either, but he probably didn't factor in the idea of "running for his life".   

The Browns running backs are also totally ineffective.  I keep going back and forth between "That piece of shit line can't move anyone" and "Why didn't this piece of shit team sign a legitimate running back in the offseason?".  It's a real chicken or the egg thing...  The Browns entered into the season with an aging unhealthy offensive line which means the crappy running backs can't gain any yards in the non-existent holes in the line.  It's like the team was going to make a cross country drive in a Chevy van leaking oil with 200,000 miles and a slipping transmission and said, "I'm sure it will be fine.  Let's roll.  And don't forget, we want a new stadium when we get back.". 

Everyone will be screaming on Monday about how much Watson sucks, but I'm sort of done complaining about him.  I think we are all on the same page.  If he plays to the best of his ability, he's the 27th best QB in the league.  If he plays like he normally does, he's 31 or 32.  Thank God for Bo Nix and Caleb Williams or all the national media would be talking about "How much longer will the Browns allow this affront to God?".  There are an amazingly small number of scenarios the Browns need to win a game with that guy at QB, and they actually got one today with a defensive TD.  They just cannot do anything on offense.  The Raiders, without their best defensive player, held the Browns to 241 yards of offense.  Let's compare that to what the Raiders normally do.  The Panthers dropped 437 yards on the Raiders last week.  THE PANTHERS!  Holy shit is this Browns team bad.

Yes, maybe things would have been different if that 80 yard TD to Cooper hadn't been called back.  I don't understand why it was holding either as I spend the entire game saying to myself "that's a hold" and there's no flag on those easily observed blatant penalties. Then after that bullshit call gets made, Gene Steratore comes on to try and convince me the duck I just saw was actually a rhino.  Maybe the refs were sitting on Raiders +2.  I don't know.  That's a better explanation than that shit Steratore was peddling.    

There doesn't appear to be any cohesion on the team.  The defense shows some life and the players appear to be emotionally involved.  The offense?  They seem like a bunch of guys punching a time clock that can't wait for work to be over.  It seems like it has something to do with Watson's bad energy radiating down, but maybe I'm projecting because I find the man so repellant.  Yet, there is never any sideline interaction with that unit, and that wasn't the case with Flacco.  The team seems to have a better relationship with Winston, which is a tough break since they're stuck with Watson, the guy no one likes that also sucks.  It also isn't great optics to see both Mayfield and Flacco chalk up wins in the early games.

So what now?  They're only two back from Pittsburgh, one back from Baltimore as I'm writing this, and tied with Cincinnati.  There are 13 games left.  In theory, they can climb right back in it.  Yet, what's going to get better?  Maybe the loss of Bill Callahan as line coach was a much bigger deal than we knew.  I can't see how the o-line gets sorted out.  Watson is what he is, and Chubb is not going to miraculously come off the IR and carry the team.  It's time to start thinking longer term.  They should put Myles on the IR for 4 weeks and save the guy from himself.  Why snap an achilles on an otherwise meaningless game in DC next week?  Don't rush Njoku back.  Bring Winston in if the offense continues to sputter.  For God's sake, adjust the play calls.  This is going to be a long year.  It's going to get worse before it gets better.  The draft is only 7 short months away.

Go Browns.