The Panic Button

 

Well, there's no getting around it.  The 2024 Cleveland Browns aren't very good.  There isn't a series of "adjustments" the team needs to make, or swap out a player or two to magically morph into a playoff bound juggernaut.  I'm sure Kevin Stefanski gave one of those press conferences where he said a variation of "That's on me.  The QB got hit 17 times and was sacked 8 times.  We have some things we have to clean up, and we will get in the building tomorrow and get that done.".   Oh, that's all you need to do?  "Clean some things up?"  Phew!  I thought there was a problem getting pasted at home by the Giants.  Sounds like everything is all good in Berea!

As an aside, is there any reason for Stefanski to give interviews or press conferences?  It's like getting addressed by Bob Dole.  All the participants in that charade know what he's going to say before he does.  Just once wouldn't you like him to stand up there with some candor?  "Well Mary Kay, we lost because we can't fucking block anybody, and even if we do that bullshit QB we have has almost no chance of getting them the ball.  We gained 40 yards in the first half and 26 of it was on one play.  And it's not like we're playing the 85 Bears out there!  It's the piece of shit Giants!  Look, I figured we'd win this week.  If I made sure not to put it in Watson's hands, Daniel Jones would do something stupid and we'd win somehow.  That's a good plan, right?  How the fuck did I know we couldn't put a pass rush on the Giants?  What do you want me to say?  These guys blow."

I am sort of surprised that the Browns rolled into the season with three of their five o-lineman hurt before anyone had taken a live snap.  What was allegedly a team strength is now a five alarm fire.  This was supposed to be a turning point, getting Wills back.  Since he's Jedrick Wills, he got hurt about 12 minutes into his season.  I assume he's now having his leg amputated and out for the year?  Teller is out now too.  I think James Hudson got hurt too when he came in to try and save Dawad Jones.  Jones had guys scooting past him like a lawn ornament, but I guess he'll be back out there to face Max Crosby next week.  Super.  So, if I have this right, the offensive line is now Nick Harris at center, moving Ethan Pocic to left guard, rookie Zak Zinter is at right guard, and now Bitonio is the left tackle?  Oh yeah, that should be fine.  No problem there. 

Making matters worse is that even if you had a bunch of All-Pro offensive lineman working as a cohesive unit, you'd still have Watson back there unable to reliably complete a pass longer than 10 yards.  That bang/bang opening kick fumble recovery and long pass to Cooper for the TD was probably more surprising to Browns fans than it was the Giants.  Everything settled down though.  It took almost no time at all for Watson to nestle back into his normal game and miss open receivers or hold the ball for too long.  About the only thing you can say about Watson is that it seemed like he tried really hard in the second half, but...  Look... You're getting paid like a franchise QB and you had two chances to bring the team back in the last five minutes.  Watson has to do SOMETHING in that spot.  Hands up for anyone who would have preferred Gardiner Minshew, Derek Carr, or Andy Dalton in that situation?  Hell, I'd have taken Tyrod Taylor in that spot.  Watson did fire a strike to Tillman there at the end, but in line for how the rest of the game went, it bounced off him like a Modern Day Corey Coleman.  Watson finished with a 27.2 QBR on the day.  He has a 30 QBR on the season, the 30th best in the league.  Hey, the good news is he's still above Bryce Young and within striking distance of Will Levis.

The defense isn't off the hook either.   They couldn't get off the field in the first half.  Sure, it doesn't help when the Browns offense gained 25 yards in the half after that first TD.  Still, Daniel Fucking Jones can't go 17-19 for 174 yards and two TDS on you in a half.  Daniel Jones has people talking shit to his face anywhere he walks around in the greater NYC area, and for the first Monday in two years he can go to a Starbucks to get a cup of joe without some high school kid calling him "Fuck Waffle".  Thank God someone finally decided to put Ward on that rookie Giant receiver as Newsome was busy in his "Texans Playoff Game Mode" allowing that kid to gallop around the defensive backfield like a goddamn deer shot up with meth.  Either the defense played well enough to give the Browns a chance in Q4, or the Giants got back to being the Giants, but too little, too late.  I have no clue what these Myles mystery foot injuries are, but he's a mess.  They took him out on a golf cart, which doesn't signal "great success on the horizon".  How can the entire team be injured when none of these guys played a lick in preseason?  Here's the grim reality.  It will be impossible for this piece of shit team to compete in a game where they fall behind by two scores.

So what now?  Who the fuck knows.  There doesn't appear to be an answer for the offense.  Maybe it's "somehow play better".  I have no idea how this team can score more than 20 points with THAT quarterback paired up with THAT offensive line.  The Browns are second worst in offense in the league.  Making matters worse, they haven't even played anybody good yet.  The defense is clearly the better unit, but it's not like they are good enough to win games on their own like Pittsburgh.  I mean... The Browns just sorta suck right now and will suck for the immediate future.  They've got the Raiders next week.  That was a game where area car dealer guys and mortgage brokers had planned on flying out to the desert, lose a couple grand in craps, have intercourse with a prostitute, watch the Browns win easily, and fly back Monday morning hungover as shit.  Sure, they'll still do most of that stuff, but now they have to mix in "white knuckle a 50/50 game against the shitty Raiders" into that itinerary.  The Browns?  They're not good.  

Go Browns.