Winter Wonderland

 

Look, I'll give it to you straight.  I didn't watch the first half of that game because I had something better to do.  It's not that I'm mad at the team.  It's more that I've reached the annual "fuck the Browns" stage earlier than expected.  I had an obligation to drink a bunch of premier cru Burgundy, and if you had to choose between that and a Thursday night football game, it's a no-brainer.  I even had someone offer me a ticket, which besides having the negative of having to watch the Browns it also comes with the even worse caveat of being in the company of Browns fans.  There's not much worse than being around "here we go Brownies" chant guy, or his even worse compatriot "Get up!  Get up!" guy that insists he is leading your section.  It's too much stimulation for some people to attend public events.

Thursday night football is the worst.  The players tell you.  They are in no shape to play a game four days after their last Sunday car crash.  When you have to choose between "quality of play/player safety" or "additional TV revenue day", guess which the NFL chooses.  The upside for the Browns is they caught the Steelers four days after a To The Death Ravens Game.  A good old fashioned November lake effect snow storm was also helpful to level the playing field.  Looking at the stats, it's hard to figure out how the Browns won the game.  They went 1-10 on third downs.  The Steelers held the ball for eight more minutes than Cleveland.  Yet, Jameis made a few plays and a couple guys made big catches and there ya go.  Winner.

The Browns being 3-8 instead of 2-9 doesn't really matter.  I think what does matter is the team with Winston at QB is capable of the one thing this franchise consistently fails to deliver.  Joy.  Watching Jameis play is fun.  He has that unpredictability of vintage Brandon Weeden with the upside of actually being able to convert plays.  Winston is the biggest high variance QB in the NFL this side of Anthony Richardson.  On top of that, he's genuinely someone you want to root for.  I think even his opponents feel good for Jameis when he beats them.  Winston is like a world class athlete version of your 9 year old nephew that just tossed a TD in the backyard and can't wait to tell you about it.  This team isn't going anywhere in the near future, we might as well have fun while doing it.  

This offseason the Browns should toss Jameis a reasonable starting QB salary and buckle up for the bleak results that are guaranteed in 2025-26.  Again, the fan base will be provided entertaining losses and the occasional unexpected victory.  If I am trying to con the population into giving me $1B so I can build a money machine grift palace, I'm trying to build as much goodwill as I can.  This, of course, almost guarantees that the Haslams will instruct their next future failed GM to sign Daniel Jones or somebody more low rent like Sam Howell to be the "Bridge QB" until the Browns inevitably draft some young man and destroy his dreams by installing him at QB here with their next doomed roster.

A quick aside... That snowstorm and ensuing fan enthusiasm could not have more perfectly illustrate why the unnecessary new stadium SHOULD NOT be a dome.  Only a carpetbagger family from the South would look at the weather here as a negative.  Cleveland, for better or worse, sees itself as a hardscrabble tough town that thrives in bad weather.  The fans love to preen in horrible weather in front of the TV cameras.  Look at how fucking tough we are!  (Cue Michael Stanley Band's "This Town"... Whoaaa this town izza mah town...).  To even consider a dome stadium only shows once again how disconnected the Haslams are from the community.  They are just swooping in to take our community's money with an NFL version of their truckstop gas contract scam.  An NFL franchise is a community trust not just an asset.  You don't own the Browns as much as you are a custodian.  Owners come and go, but the teams remain.  You've brought the worst results of any major United States sports team.  Don't fuck up the community too.

Go Browns.