Here We Go Again

 

The Ravens game provided the clarity about the Browns 2025 season like it so often has in the past.  Since the Ravens began to play “The New Browns”, or “The Shit Browns”, Cleveland has looked toothless and incompetent.  Over the last four years the Browns have stolen a game or two, but everyone knew those were those flukey divisional games that so often go sideways for good teams once or twice a year.  Then when The Important Games start up in December, the Browns are running out a 4^th starting QB while the Ravens play a blood feud with Pittsburgh to figure out what playoff berth they’re going to get.  It’s been a quarter century of watching the old Browns franchise kick the crap out of the truck stop hillbilly carpetbagger version.  If you are 30 years old and live in Baltimore, your entire memory is filled with the Browns being a fucking joke and your well-run team kicks the Cleveland team in the dick on your way to the playoffs.  

It is apparent that the Browns offense is not going to be good enough this season.  They had trouble scoring against a shitty Bengals defense in Week 1, and they were never in the game in Baltimore.  Flacco looked like a 41-year-old player that knew what to do but physically just can’t be relied upon to do it.  The Browns tight ends are pretty good, but that’s not a great help when your receivers are so poor.  There is no running game to speak of but at least Judkins appears like he can compete as opposed to Jerome “Mr. Sideline To Sideline” Ford and that little rookie fella Samson.  The offensive line is old, rickety and not moving anyone off the ball.  This is not only going to be a long losing season, but it could be a boring one as well.  I'll take an "anything can happen" Jameis loss over the 2025 Browns System Loss anytime.

Like at any point in that game did you think, “Well, they’re only down two scores, so we can make that up and win this thing!”?  Within the first five minutes the game script was evident.  The defense would hang in there as best they could, but they’d get gassed (or maybe give up) and Baltimore would pull away.  I watched Baltimore play Buffalo last week, and they play a different sport than the Browns.  It’s hard to believe they both play in the same league.  The Browns v Ravens game isn’t much different than one of those early season Ohio State games where the Buckeyes get to run a live practice against Ohio University to get ready for their real games.  Sure, maybe OU hangs around and looks surprisingly competitive, but you know Ohio State will just overwhelm them at some point.  It reminds me of when this band I knew opened up for Kenny Wayne Shepard on an entire tour of his Stevie Ray Vaughn sorta blues album.  When I asked how it was going, my friend told me “Greg, it's kinda like a porno movie.  Sometimes it’s different in the beginning, but you know how it’s gonna end.”.  That’s any Browns game when they play a winning organization.

It's not like it’s about to get better.  They have the Packers next week, and Green Bay is obviously one of the best teams in the NFC.  I’m going to be out of town, so I won’t have to endure the various dumb fucks and dipshits that will call local sports talk this week saying stuff like “Hey, this is Jim from Mentor and Dillon Gabreil looked really good when he came in at the end of the game.  The Browns should start him and see what he can do.”  Umm yeah, I’m sure having some poorly prepared little quarterback squaring off against Micah Parsons and Green Bay’s defense would work out awesome.  The Lions couldn’t score on ‘em, so I’m sure Gabriel would run up and down the field.  Good fucking call asswipe.  Don’t worry though, the Browns will press the panic button by Week 5 or 6 after this brutal start of the year and toss that dude in there to get eaten by the wolves.  It’s coming, but maybe hold off until we are all on the same page of “We might be the worst team in the league”. 

When you look at this, it’s clear what’s about to happen.  The Browns can’t control the ball long enough to keep what appears to be a decent defense off the field.  Those guys on the defensive unit will give up at some point just like the Jets defense has given up for the past two seasons on their horrible management and coaching staffs.  The problem for the Browns is they might not be bad enough to even score the #1 pick in the draft.  Miami looks grim.  Carolina is horrible.  The Saints have no hope.  The Giants look snake bit.  The Browns exist just to give the other good teams someone to beat and to provide programming for TV so the Haslams can get paid and buy off our State Representatives so they can build a shitty strip mall stadium and rip people off for parking.  That’s what we are looking at.  It’s going to get worse before it gets better.  

Go Browns.