I'm Beginning To Think This Browns Team Isn't Very Good

 

The Browns, while underwhelming as a football team, are as reliable as a blue chip stock.  Going into this game, anyone that has even mildly followed this team, realized that they had NO CHANCE to win this game.  They last time they won in New England was in the early 1990s and Mike Tomszak was the QB.  I was driving a Mazda 323 (SE with manual sunroof) and Eric Claption's shit song "Tears In Heaven" was on the radio every 15 minutes.  That was a long, long time ago.  There was NO REASON to believe that Dillon Gabriel was going to fire the ball around the yard in Foxboro and overwhelm the mediocre Patriots today.  The Browns are terrible, we knew they were terrible, and they flew out to Boston and put on a terrible performance.  All is as we had foreseen.  

The few remaining engaged Browns fans can argue their version of. "Chicken or Egg" until they are blue in the face, but it's pointless.  "Is Dillon Gabriel incapable of playing QB in the NFL or is Kevin Stefanski's offense incapable of succeeding?".  The answer to that question is, unfortunately, "yes".  Here's the thing... Gabriel was 21/35 but only two (2) passes went to wide receivers.  Jerry Jeudy made $1.1M today and never got a legitimate chance to catch a football.  You cannot win with that.  However, besides the utterly predictable "first successful drive script", Stefanski can't figure out a way to move the ball.  You'd assume those guys have more than 7 potential plays that will work, but maybe they don't.  I don't know.  They just have absolutely nothing effective that gets called after the first 8 minutes of the first quarter.  

I would have to think that the guys in the huddle are thinking "why the fuck are we running a four yard out when we need seven for the first down?", but maybe they have been pummeled by doing the same ineffective shit for two months so they are all checked out.  Jeudy's body language certainly suggests a certain "someone get me the fuck out of here" vibe.  I don't blame him.  You get one career, and the last thing you want is to spend it with limp armed Dillon Gabriel tossing up floaters whenever he gets past a seven yard interior route.  Tampa should trade for Jeudy yesterday.  All their receivers are hurt and Mayfield can get him the ball.  Maybe the Browns could get a fourth round pick in return that they could burn on a crappy backup QB next year.

You think about a guy like Myles making 5 sacks and the team STILL gives up 32 points.  I know the counter argument to feeling bad for Myles is "he gets paid, so whatever", but that's bullshit.  I made a good living in media working for morons and it killed me inside.  You'd watch easily fixed situations get gaslit from a clueless organization and think "No matter what I do, this team cannot win.  These guys are at their basic essence are losers.".  You can tell Myles wants to play on Sunday for some real stakes, but that dude is trapped on the Browns.  There is no escape.  Golden handcuffs are still a jail.  That said, while we all feel the defense is the stronger side of the ball, they still gave up 30, so it's not like this team is one QB or play caller away from glory.  The Browns are really fucking bad.  As always.

Going into Sunday I knew the Browns would try to throw screen passes, short routes to the tight ends and run between the tackles.  I am a guy doing stuff in the wine trade and play rock music in an underground band.  If I knew that's what the Browns were going to do, it wasn't exactly a shock that the New England Patriots figured that out too.  This suggests that either the Browns CAN'T do anything else OR need to find someone to run the team that is creative enough to figure out how to move the ball.  The team has a soft stretch of @Jets/Ravens/@Raiders over the next three games after the bye.  If they go 0-3, you gotta put a bullet in Stefanski at the end of the year.  Note, I'm not saying the team has to run that table.  They just need to find a win against one of those three shitty teams or they need to find someone that can be a competitive head coach.  Stefanski has the absolute worst record against the spread for a reason.  He's easily replaceable.  I'm not saying the Browns would find someone good.  I'm saying that at least they could accidentally stumble into someone good.  This is all theoretical assuming that worthless piece of shit Paul Depodesta isn't involved in the decision making of the hiring process.  Again, what does that guy bring to the organization?      

The season is almost halfway over.  Here's what we know.  The top 4 draft picks have hit.  Looks like the GM might be OK as long as he can keep the owner out of the kitchen.  The coach performs worse than expectations.  They might need to cut him loose.  The current starting QB has the look of a journeyman NFL backup QB that can be the 2020s version of Chase Daniel.  Gabriel is not the answer.  We will get to see the other shitty QB before too long.  He will suck too.  Longterm, they'll need to draft somebody or toss too much money at some variation of Mac Jones in the offseason.  They need to replace most of the offensive line and need two playmaking receivers, one of which is taller than 5'10".  They'll suck for another year unless the Deshaun Watson money becomes available for free agency after some sort of "boating accident" befalls Watson.  In this new era of American Oligarchs, this might not be off the table.  If I'm Watson, I stay off boats and airplanes.  Bottom line is this team is going to suck for another two months and mercifully limp off for the offseason after Xmas.  I see a win total of 4.5 being a reasonable line right now.  The good news is Tennessee is still to come, so if the Browns can beat the Jets and Raiders the OVER is in play.  Attainable goals of 4 or 5 wins is the way to think about the 2025 Browns.  Welcome back to reality.

Go Browns.