Browns Embarrass Themselves Again (Or My Path To Financial Security)

 

I was in Las Vegas on Sunday morning sitting in the MGM sportsbook trying to figure out my game plan for betting the morning games.  10am comes early.  The Browns were 7.5 point underdogs to a clearly superior Bears team in 11 degree weather in Chicago.  Everyone but Bitonio was out on the offensive line.  Njoku was out.  Ward was out.  I had seen a stat online where 72% of the betting tickets written on the game were for the Browns.  I couldn't make any sense of that.  What was I missing?  I couldn't come up with a scenario in my head where the Browns were going to be competitive.  A guy sat down next to me and started talking.  "Shedeur is going to light it up today.  Shedeur OVER on his passing yards and the Browns are the play."  I asked him why he thought that and immediately the guy went into that strange narrative of how Sanders has undeniable greatness and was being sabotaged by Kevin Stefanski, the Browns front office, etc.  I can't explain that clearly delusional thinking except to maybe guess it's a way to project your own feelings of persecution and make yourself feel better by identifying Sanders as your tool to rectify an unjust world.  Fuck if I know.  Let's never forget that the Browns went out of their way to give a sex offender a quarter of a billion dollars to play QB, but there are still plenty of Browns fans that think Stefanski is willing to torpedo his own career because Shedeur's father once dumped a bucket of ice on his father-in-law.  People are fucking idiots.  

As I'm listening to this guy's rap, I notice the guy telling me this is also sending off vibes of being not exactly homeless but maybe a flophouse apartment guy.   He had a plastic grocery bag keeping some belongings together and couldn't get his rigged up phone charger to plug into any of the universal sockets located all over the place.  It hit me that maybe there were more of these delusional people than I thought.  I then took all the money I had and placed a bet on the Chicago Bears -7.5.  It was maybe 22 seconds into the game where I knew with 100% certainty that the Browns had no hope of being able to compete.  I was about to make a lot of money.  I sort of felt bad for the flophouse guy.  Whatever he was about to lose was money he couldn't afford to lose.  On the other hand, he was a fucking idiot for believing in the 2025 Cleveland Browns on a road game versus a playoff team.  He had made bad choices before and he would do so again.  Like more Browns fans than I can count, that guy will continue to believe that THIS TIME the Browns will turn this around.  They didn't and they won't.

There isn't that much to talk about so I suspect that everyone will focus on Jerry Jeudy doing Jerry Jeudy stuff again.  What can you say?  A professional football player is expected to make the catches that Jerry Jeudy drops.  If it was Corley or Tillman dropping touchdowns, I suppose the sentiment becomes "that guy sorta sucks".  The problem is the Browns locked into paying Jeudy $1.2M per game so that makes everyone vindictive about it.  I don't know what it's going to take to get out of that contract with him, but they need to dump out of it ASAP.  He's a #3 receiver masquerading as a #1, and whatever you want to say about Andrew Berry's record of player acquisition, that is a major fuckup giving that guy that big contract.  He's got a cap hit of $28M so they are probably stuck with him.  They are going to be awful again next year, so I guess it doesn't make much of a difference.  It's not like if Jeudy drops less passes the team suddenly becomes dangerous.  They can suck with him.  They can suck without him.  

Sanders had a rough game against a Bears defense that isn't exactly a Steel Curtain.  The conditions were awful, so it's hard to be too rough on him.  There is a certain undeniable Jameis Winston vibe to Sanders where he goes from an unbelievably good throw straight into a "what the hell is he doing?" play.  I'm all for it as it's much more fun than robotic Dillon Gabriel tossing balls into the dirt.  Sanders has enough upside that it seems like he can learn to play QB at this level and become a bottom third starter next season.  I can see him becoming a Penix/Ward/Dart type player where week in and week out his variance will drive you crazy but you'll win a game or two that you probably shouldn't.  Of course, the downside is you'll lose a game or two you shouldn't too.  Is there a remarkable difference between Sanders and Raiders backup Aiden O'Connell?    At this point there isn't.  I still think the Browns bungle the 2026 Draft and throw all the draft picks they have stashed at trying to get Mendoza, who will immediately come in and look a lot like Shedeur Sanders.  Browns gotta do what the Browns do.  

The Browns are a ten point underdog at home to the Buffalo Bills next week.  That is a grim state of affairs.  Every single season ends the same way for the Browns with huge blowout losses at home in a half empty stadium.  The team is out of it by Halloween, pretends that they have a plan on how to right the ship, and when the draft gets here everything will be fixed.  Anyone that has followed this team knows that is absolute bullshit and these idiots don't know how to fix anything except maybe tanking late season games.  As shivering fans get ready to see the Browns get blown out yet again, the Browns ticket sales division are bringing in an outside sales force of alleged ringers to sell absolutely insane PSLs for the chance to buy tickets to see this piece of shit franchise play in Grift City Stadium out by the airport whenever that monstrosity gets built.  The idea that the team will magically be good because they are playing in a new building makes about as much sense as it did to pay Jerry Jeudy all that money.  I suppose the same people that think Shedeur Sanders is a victim of conspiracy will dig deep into their wallets to keep funding this debacle.  All I know is, as I am getting ready to leave Las Vegas, my biggest problem is trying to figure out how to close my luggage because of all the fucking money I made betting against them.

Go Browns.