What Are The Browns DOING???

 

In one sense, this was the worst loss in the last couple of years for this team.  Yet, in another way it was totally on brand for the Cleveland Browns.  If I didn't know any better, I'd say this Browns team was trying to tank.  Indulge me for a second... In many ways, this was the biggest game left on their schedule.  If we can agree that this organization is 100% focused on "later" as in, "Later we will be good", then a loss to the one win Titans is a huge victory.  This brings the Titans out of their lock on the #1 overall pick to get back in the 2-3 win dreck of Titans/Raiders/Giants/Saints/Cardinals/Washington/Jets/Browns.  The Raiders and Giants play each other which in theory moves one of them out of the mix.  The Saints still play the Jets and Titans, so they can maybe skim a win there.  There are still a lot of moving parts, but after this, I think we can feel confident in a 3 win season from Your Cleveland Browns and a Top 4 pick.

If ever there was an organization that was dedicated to ignoring the collective good of the league and focusing on the short cut, it's the Haslams.  "How can you say such a thing?  They want nothing more than to bring wins to their beloved NE Ohio!"  That's when I think about the Haslam way of doing business with phony gas contract billing, manipulating that investigation, bribery allegations in their Berkshire Hathaway deal, breaking the Modell Law to move the team, scamming Ohio tax money by buying off Ohio Congressmen, misrepresenting the expected revenue of the new stadium, and on and on and on.  Let me put it to you this way.  If anyone with the last name "Haslam" wanted to sell me a used car, I ain't interested.  They don't walk, they slither.  

The Browns have become obsessed with this idea of finding the magical QB unicorn as the one and only way of making their NFL dreams come true.  In their mindset, they think that they need to time out the arrival of their QB savior with the opening of the Jimmy Haslam Strip Plaza Stadium Metroplex, aka "Grift City Stadium" and everything is going to be handjobs and rainbows.  All their previous misdeeds will be forgiven by the public and they will take their rightful place as Beloved Emperors Of Northeast Ohio.  Hail Jimmah!  They cannot let go of the concept that their Football Problem will be solved if they can just find The One.  These are people that don't play by the rules because they don't believe the rules apply to them.  They think they are smarter than everyone else, but the tragedy is they are the fuck up youngest son consistently expelled from school for selling counterfeit pills in the dorm.  Seriously, have you ever seen billionaires more consistently caught doing crooked shit than these clowns?

The one thing NFL history has shown consistently is that good organizations build inside out.  In the last decade, the teams with the most wins are (in order) Kansas City, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Green Bay and Minnesota.  (Cleveland is 29th tied with the Giants by the way.). With the exception of maybe Buffalo, these are all teams that have excellent lines, rock solid defenses, and acquired key players situationally.  None of those teams intentionally tanked.  Not one.  Pittsburgh has won with injured Big Ben, Mason Rudolph, outta gas Russ Wilson and Aaron Rodgers.  Minnesota has strung together huge seasons with Case Keenum, Kirk Cousins and Sam Darnold.  While the Browns feel like the only way to win is to get the first shiny new QB coming off the manufacturing belt each draft, Josh Allen was the 4th QB of his draft, Mahomes was the second QB of his draft, Lamar was the 5th QB taken, and Jordan Love the 4th QB selected.  QBs that went in the first two picks include such luminaries as Kenny Pickett, Desmond Ridder, Zack Wilson, Trey Lance, Daniel Jones, and Mitch Trubisky.  That's who the Browns are going to take, one of those guys. Securing a top QB draft pick just means the Browns are going to make a high profile mistake that everyone will laugh at for the next decade.

For the life of me I cannot understand why the Browns are not trumpeting how fucking smart they were to get Sanders in the 5th round.  While Sanders doesn't provide that "Holy shit, he's the guy" thing that Mahomes or Andrew Luck had, NOBODY does.  All of these rookie QBs need to play for awhile to get their sea legs under them to play a game where everyone is fast, nobody is as open as they were in college, and the game is unnecessarily complicated.  Yet, here the Browns are with a rookie that comes from a top pedigree, who throws for 364 yards and three TDs in the snow, is playing behind three emergency backup linemen, and all they care about is losing to get a better draft pick.  They can't seem to distance themselves more from Sanders, a guy that is producing for fuck's sake, and it makes no sense whatsoever.  As far as I can see, the 2026 draft looks a lot like the Kenny Pickett/Desmond Ridder draft.  If Sanders was coming out in 2026, he would easily be the #1 hyped player.  Yet, despite the Browns having the shiniest of all the toys in house, they are rubbing their hands together saying "I think we can get Desmond Ridder!!!!".  Holy shit does this team fucking blow from the fucking top down.

If we move forth with the idea that they tried their best to win against the Titans, then they need to blow Stefanski out.  I don't think they did try to win based on the matador style tacking the defense was doing on running plays.  It really felt like a "let's put on a good show and leave with the "L" type of game, but I don't know how you'd prove it.  The Titans had only scored more than 20 points twice all year, and they dropped 31 points on the second best defense in the league in the snow?  Yeah man, whatever.  How else do you explain those mystifying two point conversion calls.  "OK, the rookie QB is absolutely on fire.  What do you say we get him out of there, go into a wildcat formation and eliminate the chance that we might throw the ball?  If we want to win this game, I see us winning it by having Judkins whip a lateral over to Gage Larvadain.  Let's play to our strengths.  The last thing we want to do is continue to do what got us here and has that defense gassed.  We need a goddamn gadget play with a running back throwing it to our #4 receiver that keeps dropping punts!  Am i right???"

If you take the game at face value, I think Stefanski has to go.  Sean Peyton went to Denver, a team with a good defense and no offense to speak of and went 8-9 in his first year.  Two years later and he's 11-2 with Bo Nix at QB.  Stefanski is going to go 3-14 two years in a row.  If this guy is such a fucking genius, he should be able to go at least 6-11 with one of the best defenses in the league.  It doesn't help that he continues to be such a prick at these press conferences.  "I'm not going to get into that" is not a legitimate answer when you are standing at a podium.  That's why you are there in the first place fuckface, to "get into that".  So the special teams had yet another disaster with a blocked punt, what's the story Kev?  "I'm not going to get into that."  Well, that's too bad because as you can see, you are already "into that" as per my question.  Seriously, fuck that guy.  It's time for him to get his next coordinator job and maybe become a failed head coach for Carolina or the Falcons somewhere down the line.  Unless he walks up to the podium and says, "I've been told by the owner to tank, so that's why we are losing these winnable games.  Get off my ass.", I'm so done with listening to his "clean that up/that's on me" bullshit.  This idea of "if we let Stefanski go, other teams will scoop him up" should be looked upon as a positive.  If I'm the Browns, I'd want him to be the coach of the Bengals so I could play him twice a year.   

Based on what Sanders has shown, I don't see any reason not to slot him in as starting QB next year.  Let Watson stand around in his diamond cleats as a backup since you gotta pay him anyway, and maybe Gabriel can be the "I'll bring bagels!" third string guy.  Unless I hear a compelling reason to get whatever bullshit guy is coming out in the draft from some Xs and Os wizard, it seems to me the Browns should follow the example set from the winning franchises and draft lineman/lineman/lineman next year.  This being the Browns, that's not what they are going to do of course, but it's what they should do.  Sanders can look shaky as shit at times, but he clearly has so much more upside than Gabriel.  It is baffling as to how and why they thought Gabriel was The Answer and had Sanders just standing around.  That tells you all you need to know about this organization's ability to evaluate QBs.  The Browns do what the Browns do, and that's why the Browns will always be the Browns.  God, I hate this team.

Go Browns.